The Diaries of an Abused Girlfriend-Part Two

A new day and he's still not replying to my texts. It's just like a real nightmare that never seems to end. I sent him about 30 texts during the 24 hours that passed and they were all delivered. I'm afraid he never reads them and he deletes them even before he opens them. God! How tired and stressed out I am! I barely slept last night and I hardly ate anything. Mom is all worried about me and she thinks that the stress is from the studying because this is what I've been telling her about why I lose my appetite so often, I say school stress is the one to blame. Yeah right! I wish I had to redo my senior year three times and never had to go through this. I keep thinking of what wrong could I have done to deserve to be expelled out of his life just like this without any warnings. I wonder did I say something wrong in our last date or conversation, but I don't remember anything at all! On the contrary, everything went perfectly and we were so close lately! Why! Why can't I rest for one week God without all this pain and anxiety? I'm getting so sick of this, now if I only knew what is the problem, I could have explained myself to him and got things back to normal or at least if it turned out to be irreparable, I could have decided to move on, although this seems impossible when he clearly stated that the problem is me "You know.." this is an obvious accusation but of what!? I'm thinking, perhaps lately when I was so excitingly talking about college and my dreams, he felt intimidated and thought that I'm thinking of leaving him or that my plans don't include him, but I swear I have always made sure he understands that he's in all my plans and I can never let him go, does saying "I can't imagine life without you" mean anything to guys nowadays!? but maybe he felt like I insulted him by talking so proudly about college while he never went there, maybe I said something that had a bad indication and referred to this point, I don't know, but since he's not giving me any damn clue then I've got to think of all the bad things that I have possibly said or done and then send him a long text of all my flaws and possible mistakes, explain them one by one and apologize for each one of them, maybe this is going to work. I don't know, I have to sit and think  of how I write that text thoroughly and pick my words very wisely, I don't want to say something that's only going to make things worse. Please God, let this work because I'm so devastated and I continuously think of how sweet it would be for me to cease to be, to vanish, to disappear as if I never existed. Yes, between you and me, I really think of death and I kind of long for it!! Please God please help me...Please!