Although in our "civilized"
societies, our "civilized" men no longer beat us up, treat us like
slaves and lock us up home, still, on the emotional level, something not much
better is going on and our "civilized" men prove to be wolves forced
to live like chiwawa puppies! Yes, another sort of abuse is going on and that
is called emotional abuse. Here are my diaries that tell my story with this
kind of abuse:
Today I was all happy and relaxed, finally
we were doing great, no more fights and totally crazy about each other because
in the past few weeks, all I felt was a constant churning feeling in my stomach
thinking how he feels now? how he thinks about me and us? Is he already moving
on? Are we even together anymore? You see, being his girl means being stuck in
a never-ending guess game in which each mistake can be deadly and cost you the
whole relationship. There always seems to be something to make him upset and
pessimist about us, but finally after one month of struggle, things were
promising and he was as sweet to me as he had never been until he suddenly
stopped replying my texts or my phone calls. After a number of texts asking and
begging him to tell me what's wrong he sent one text "it's over…we're
done…forget me" I felt like I was punched on my stomach, the churning
feeling was already back and although I've been fighting with my weight all my
life but this pain managed to keep me away from food and during the six months we
were officially dating, without any diets and exercises, I lost so much weight
and turned from 57 kilograms to 51.
OH PLEASE GOD! NOW WHAT! GIVE ME A BREAK!
This is the worst time for this kind of
games, my final exams had just have started and it is my senior year in high
school, I need good grades for college, but he doesn't seem to give a damn
about all that. After so much begging and sending thousands of texts asking him
why he would say such a thing, (no, I didn't dare to call him because he was
then going to switch off his phone) he finally replied "You know
why…" don't you just hate this answer!?"You know why?" no I
don't know! I'm not a psychic! But I guess this is how they make sure you
suffer more and more because you start to feel guilty and recall everything you
have said or done lately, then you start to get paranoiac about your own words
and actions and start making yourself guilty and accuse yourself of and admit a
mistake you haven't done in the very first place! And this is what his text
caused me and here I'm still trying to figure out what I did. I send but he
never answers, and I can't eat or sleep trying to find evidences and clues that
lead me to the reason why he said so and meanwhile I suddenly cry when I think:
is it really over!? Just like this? But I did nothing wrong! How he simply asks
me to forget him, it's not a button I choose to push, not after these happy
days that made me love him more…Please God, if he doesn't show me any mercy you
do…Please...HELP!
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