The Diaries of an Abused Girlfriend-The Follow up Story

Dear Reader,

I know if one day these diaries came to your hands, they may leave you confused, and if you are a young girl like me, going through the same situation like I had, then you may be in a state that makes it hard for you to believe the last words you read on the book's last pages, therefore, as today I was going through my old stuff, I found these diaries and I realized that you (whoever you are) may need a follow up from me that is like a testimony on the things I predicted and stated in the last pages, so here it is, my testimony after six years from writing those words:

Love is never an easy ride and healing from it is even harder, however, when it comes to abusive relationships like the one I had experienced, healing is much easier, because, the relationship itself is the wound, the sickness, the injury and thus, ending it is the first step towards healing and liberation, therefore, if you are hesitant about ending your relationship with that abusive person thinking that you're going to die after that, you're dead wrong, it's only the relationship itself that makes you die slowly and painfully. As a result, my healing process was easy and smooth and every day I was more grateful that I had ended it as the taste of freedom and peace of mind is so good!

My life went normally and I did pretty well at college. I had self-confidence and I made heads turn, I made a lot of friends of both genders and I found out that nothing appeals to guys as much as confidence and feeling comfortable with oneself does, however, this also made guys dread asking me out thinking: Whoa!!!She's never going to say yes! And yes, they were right! I wasn't planning to say yes and I wasn't ready to fall for any new guy and restart dating, I wanted to focus on my future plans and dreams, I believed it wasn't going to work to be both in a relationship and pursue your dreams so I turned down any guy who had the guts to ask me out. I had a simple and clear plan: I was going to nail it in all of my classes, I was going to graduate with very high grades and then I was going to complete my studies abroad , but, life has  a very good sense of humor, whenever we feel like we are all equipped and we have everything under control, it grins at our faces and says: Not so fast!!!We have a last minute change! And my last minute change was a guy as simple as you can imagine, of the purest heart I had ever seen, very kind and polite, so sweet and considerate and really cute and funny. He wasn't special in any particular way and yet he was very special in so many different ways: he wasn't the most handsome but he was very cute and adorable, he wasn't rich or anything like that but you could have thought that he was a millionaire because he had such a great self-esteem and dignity and he was so generous and content, he wasn't the most educated and knowledgeable guy yet he was educated enough to lead many serious conversations, talk about profound matters and discuss them thoroughly and he seemed much older and wiser than his own age. Despite all this, there were many special details about him that made him so special, things you can't describe in words but you can only feel, simple little things that were very precious and rare to see in a guy, his…I don't know, I will never be able to describe that. So, there was a very intense chemistry between us from the very first beginning, from the moment I saw him I couldn't help noticing and remembering him, as if we were searching for each other for many centuries and in previous lives and we finally came together again, this is how smooth, easy and familiar it was to be around him. Soon, we became friends and we talked and talked for hours, I felt like I could be myself around him and no matter how much my brain protested, my heart wasn't ready to step back, so we became very special friends and my mind still resisted and the day the friend-zone was broken, my mind protested and I broke his heart, but I couldn't sleep all that night feeling stupid for what I had done, so in the morning I gave up and after two weeks trial I allowed myself to say those magic words "I love you" once again and his reaction was so worth it, it was the reaction that every girl deserves to get when she says it to a guy who is supposed to be in love with her. Two good friends were now in love and it was very human and peaceful. But many crazy things followed, we had the craziest relationship ever, and that I mean in the good sense, it was like movies, no, even better! I lived the best days of my life with him. I broke free and I experienced all the beautiful and magical moments that I heard of or read until then. He was a dream coming true and I felt like God made up for all the bad things that happened to me with my ex, oh! Speaking about my ex, the first thing I did when he told me about his feelings was telling him about my previous relationship, which he took so easy and later when he heard the whole story, he felt sad and sorry that I was put through all that by him, this is how nice he was. Those were our first magical months of being young and crazily in love. But, is Love just a sweet fairytale full of bunnies and butterflies?! No, love is never going to come without pain and heartbreak; it's part of the package and love is not love without it. So, we had our ugly days later, when we faced some of our tough differences that were the reason why both our brains were resisting our love for a year when we were stuck in the friend-zone. Things got nasty and decisions had to be taken, we had to choose, we had to compromise and meet half-way, things were tense and we had to let our minds control it, we never said harmful things or any offensive things to each other, we were rational adults debating and trying our hardest to survive but we knew two things for sure: we loved each other too much to let go and we had to choose once for all. The final moment came and my stubbornness was overcome by my own awakening that I was insisting on something that was not worth doing the unimaginable: letting him go. So my walls tumbled down and I accepted the compromise and great/terrible days followed. We had many beautiful and magical moments but we also had many fights and yet none of them ever contained the words: let's end this or any similar things, breaking up was never a possibility and unlike my ex, he never spoke of it at all, in fact, among all the terrible fights and ups and downs we had, being together and not being ready to let go was the thing that we were always so sure of, it was the golden rule and it was so simple, we couldn't handle it, we were meant to each other and our love was all a divine plan and a  message we had to proceed with!

Talking about how he was to me: he was very sweet, very kind, very romantic in a very unusual way, very considerate and sensitive, very funny and easy-going, a very good listener and very polite and well mannered. He was simply all that my ex wasn't. And we were in the same age, which is something that I used to think it bad but it was a blessing because we grew together so we supported each other and we shared many experiences that made us life companions sharing life's long journey.

We dated for about four years and we became a famous couple envied by all and a good sample to look up to by others. He knew my family and he was approved and loved by almost all of them and he was someone to show off and be proud of. We finally got engaged and then married and lived happily ever after! And the good part is that I didn't have to give up my plan to go abroad and study for my major because we shared the same dreams so we did that together and he was a great encouragement to me because he always believed in me more than I did myself, he was my number one fan and he gave me faith and hope, he reached out and awakened the angelic part of me, he made me closer to my good self and my spiritual self, he made me a new person, a better person not by forcing me or pushing me but by the mere goodness in him that made my own goodness show up and the dark self hide. He's the best gift God ever sent me and I will never be able to thank Him enough for that.

So, this is my follow up story in the perfect and Hollywood sense but I know this is not going to help when you face reality, so let's share some facts:

Yes, he sometimes ignores me and forgets important stuff. He is sometimes a complete jerk and says not so nice things. He can be so stubborn and annoying. He can be cold and unaffectionate. Yet, he is always able to show me that he loves me and he's there for me when I need him to. He never cheats or lies and he's the most sincere and honest person I know. He always has those little simple thoughtful moves that make me just adore him. He always can make me feel so special and make me feel so beautiful even when I'm simply not. Yes, we have our bad moments, our boring and cold moments and our terrible moments too but the thing is, we are always like a team, we have invisible strings that attach us to each other and make us not wander too far before we are back to each other. I can never describe our relationship because it is like nothing of the lies and books' words you read and heard. It is a human relationship at its highest forms. We are friends, we are life companions and we are passionate crazy lovers! We are a weird mixture of all the human good and bad deeds and we go through this life together trying to control the bad ones and project the good ones. We are after all ordinary people with so much compassion between us because after all, love is not the heat, the rush, the heart beats and butterflies, it's not even the anxiety and worry, love is at it seems: the affectionate compassionate peaceful relationship that is between two people who share this life with its ups and downs like one team and they live their life while feeling content and satisfied with what they have and they enjoy the daily ordinary things and routines they share together. Love is nothing extraordinary or miraculous, it is a very simple and human experience that its simplicity makes it so hard to achieve because all of our wrong and high expectations about it. In fact, a great love is not a love that can survive the great challenges and hard days but it is the one that survives the simple ordinary daily routines of life till death separates us.

Finally, I may have sounded like a victim in my diaries but that wasn't true, I was not anyone's victim but myself and I gave someone the power to abuse me and I let them do it consciously for long enough, but this had to stop the way yours has to stop too, love yourself, see its value and save it from that disgraceful situation because no matter who you are and how you look, you are human and you deserve better than that, so rise and say NO to this form of abuse and retreat from the battle with dignity and pride because life is there waiting for you while you're waiting for him to change and be better to you. Life has many good gifts to give and you should go and catch them but among them I advise you to take these: content, compassion and self-esteem. And my last words to you are a quotation that says

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
 

Bob Marley